How Do You Feel Loved?

Healthful Vitality | 06/04/2021 | By NP Team | How Do You Feel Loved?

There is one thing we all want, the feeling of being loved; you want to connect deeply with the people you care about and know that the feeling is mutual. Boldly, thirst for love should not allow for turning into agony for love. Studies show that love offers several real health benefits, including lower blood pressure and longer life. It also positively impacts anxiety and the immune system. Studies suggest that we give less importance to physical possessions when we feel loved and affection from others because feeling loved can provide a sense of insurance, protection, and comfort [1].

How do you feel loved? Are you feeling unloved?

Nobody denies that it is a deep empty feeling to think no one cares about you. While this might not be the case, you might think so because of a slight misunderstanding or miscommunication. Crystal-clear that there is a secret power to being loved, to know that whatever might happen, you have the love and affection of the people close to you. Of course, this love and affection affect your emotional and spiritual health and preserve your social relationships. Feeling loved is a deeply-rooted basic requirement. Like most social animals on the earth, we need the care and love from others to feel resilient, supported, and alive. Naturally, human beings are extremely sensitive to rejection. The mild snubs and slights of the day may twig to us like Velcro.

How do you feel loved? How does this happen, you might ask?

Your emotional health is more secure and stable with the assurance of love and encouragement from your loved ones, and you are less likely to be depressed.

While with your spiritual health, you are striking a balance between your life’s social, physical, and psychological aspects.

A balance in these two, emotional and spiritual health, helps maintain a high level of social health since the cycle of love goes around, and it will also serve as an inspiration to those who want to be loved. Feeling loved may depend on how you take care of someone and how other people will take care of you. 

The feeling of wanting to be loved and cared for is not limited to adults alone. Have you ever noticed how babies always cry for attention just because they want you around? They want to feel loved, to feel the warmth and affection of someone they hold dear. The same thing applies to older adults; their old age is a type when they are no longer active or strong enough to move around or do something they used to do. It is why that is the time that their loved ones should be with them, care for them and give the attention they need.

It is even more critical for older adults in nursing homes; most people believe that nursing homes are where they can be catered for the most. That opinion seems not wrong, but there has to be constant and proper care and attention from the family and nursing home staff. So do you see that love is not limited to romance alone? Indeed, it is how you treat someone or would treat someone you care deeply for, be it an infant or an older adult.

How do you feel loved? The concept of love is very personal

The concept of love is very personal, and it varies for different people; some need enormous displays of affection to feel loved, others feel loved even for no reason.

Whoever loves undoubtedly wants to be loved back. But one thing is universal love, where you love people you don’t even know to show solidarity and contribute to their well-being.

Another is personalized love, where you want the same levels of love shown to be reciprocated. Dr. Daniel G. Amen writes “that romantic love and infatuation are not so much to emotion as they are motivational drives that are part of the brain’s reward system” [2]. This view furthers the point that you want to be rewarded with love for personalized love because you have shown love.

The science behind feeling loved: Role of happy hormones

Hormones in your body are involved in various vital processes, like heart rate and blood pressure, and your feelings, mood, and behaviors [3]. The famous happy hormones such as Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Dopamine, etc., promote positive feelings like happiness, pleasure, and even love.

1. Serotonin: The feel good hormone

Serotonin is a “feel good hormone” that is essential for proper sleep, mood, brain function, digestion, and circadian rhythm.

2. Oxytocin: The cuddle hormone

Oxytocin is also called a “love hormone” that promotes trust and bonding. Studies show that higher blood oxytocin levels have been associated with feeling loved, responsiveness, and gratitude.

3. Dopamine: The motivational hormone

Dopamine is the “motivational hormone” that makes you feel loved while also keeping you active, alert, and alive. This hormone is part of the brain’s reward system; it provides you pleasant sensations and keeps you returning for more.

Effects of not feeling loved on well-being

These habits are what you might notice about yourself, your baby, or your elder ones; it just means you are not going enough to let them know you loved them. We are humans, and no matter the age, we all deserve some level of love and affection.

What happens when you don’t feel loved and what are the effects on your general well-being?

Aggressiveness

It is well known that an aggressive person wants attention, seeking to be valued and praised. Aggressiveness is an unfortunate way of wanting to be loved. There are also little signs you should take note of an aggressive person, most especially adults and older adults. He or she is easily irritated and dismissive.

Possessiveness

You become a slave to attachments, jealousies, and dependencies. You develop a habit of dominating and manipulating others. This is common among infants; they refuse to let go of whatever they have because they are of the notion that they won’t have your attention once they don’t have what you needed from them at that moment.

Other effects of not feeling loved

Other effects of not feeling loved are getting overly suspicious and insecure. You must note that this affects all ages. Infants can get suspicious when you behave differently from how you usually do or get insecure about their things because they don’t know how you would react to it.

We have examined the adverse effects of not feeling loved on your well-being, it might feel gloomy, but it is the truth. But to everything’s bad side, there is an upside to it; there are two sides to a coin.

How do you feel loved? Recent research

In research from Pennsylvania State University, it was found that feeling loved daily leads to higher levels of psychological well-being.

In this study, “feeling loved” meant reporting brief experiences of love and connection during everyday life. “Being loved daily is conceptually much broader than romantic love. They are small moments in your life when you experience resonance with someone. For example, suppose you are talking to a neighbor, and he/she expresses concern for your well-being. In that case, it can resonate with you and be experienced as a feeling of love, which can improve your well-being,” explained one of the authors of the study, Zita Oravec [4].

You feel a sense of comradeship and belonging, which positively affects your emotional and spiritual health. This applies to your infants and older adults; they want to talk or be with a family member or with a loved one and know that safety and love come from a good place.

Just as lack of water, food, and sleep have their unfavorable effects, so does the lack of feeling loved. A recent study demonstrates that people who experience a lack of feeling loved and affection are less happy and more isolated [5]. They are more likely to experience anxiety and mood disorders; and, in general, in worse physical and mental health. They experience more secondary immune disorders, i.e., those disorders that are acquired instead of inherited genetically.

How do the older adults feel loved?

Taking proper care of the older adults should come as natural as everything in the world, not only during (COVID-19), also after post- COVID. It shouldn’t be up for any form of argument at all; it’s simply right, and the proper thing to do, and most importantly, not just older adults’ but people should be generally loved and cared for. 

Just like babysitting is taken with special attention, so is taking care of aged ones who are your family members. They deserve to be shown a great deal of empathy, given adequate love, support, and attention. Staying close to them makes them feel loved.

How can older adults be taken care of properly?

• In this case, society, which is its smallest unit, should ensure their needs are properly catered for. It is reassuring for a senior citizen to know that their family has needs and wants in consideration; it shows that they are in the family’s thoughts.

• Elderly ones should be cared for in a safe environment devoid of unnecessary noise and disturbances. It is recognized that at a certain age, all our aged ones want is peace and quiet, providing them with that eases their mind into pure comfort, and that feeling cannot be understated.

• Engage actively with them; the family should always look forward to engaging in active conversation with the elderly, thereby making them more cheerful and feel the warmth of love in the family.

• Only pointing out errors of older adults may harm their self-esteem. However, offering compliments can make them feel more accomplished. Regardless of how small or big an achievement is, provide positive feedback. Appreciation can enhance their mood and make them feel valued, needed, and loved.

How do infants feel loved?

Studies reveal that infants use various love languages to recognize love and know that they are loved. It is not a question that we do not doubt whether you love your daughter or son but does he or she feels loved?

Here mentioned are some inspiration tips that you should recognize:

Attention and quality time

The event is not the important factor that matters but that you are doing something together. It passes the message: “you are important to me; I love being with you.” You are there to attend to his or her every need, and your constant presence is a welcome assurance.

Physical touch

While spending time with your child is important but so is physical contact. It shouts “I love you” as it is one of the most powerful voices of love. And physical contact does not end with bathing, wearing clothes and the like, the little kisses on the head, carrying him or her just to play, a massage on the feet, or a game of tickles. These acts and shows of love make the child feel loved.

Little and non-romantic gestures like somebody showing snuggling or compassion with a child can make the child feel loved [6]. Do not be surprised that infants want to feel loved; it is a part of their growth and development as human beings; instead, take up the challenge and do better to show your infants and older adults that you are and will always be there for them.

References

1. The more secure you feel, the less you value your stuff. (2011, March 3). ScienceDaily. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/03/110303111615.htm
2. Amen, D. G. (2009). The brain in love: 12 lessons to enhance your love life
3. Happiness hormones: The neurochemicals of happiness. (2020, December 16). happiness.com. https://www.happiness.com/magazine/science-psychology/happiness-hormones/#
4. Heshmati, S., Oravecz, Z., Pressman, S., Batchelder, W. H., Muth, C., & Vandekerckhove, J. (2017). What does it mean to feel loved: Cultural consensus and individual differences in felt love. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(1), 214–243. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517724600
5. Hawkley, L. (2019). Social Isolation, Loneliness, and Health. Solitary Confinement, 185–198. https://doi.org/10.1093/oso/9780190947927.003.0011
6. What makes Americans ‘feel most loved’? Small, non-romantic gestures. The Indian Express. (2017, November 7). https://indianexpress.com/article/lifestyle/feelings/what-makes-americans-feel-most-loved-small-non-romantic-gestures-4926286/

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